“The single greatest gift I have ever given myself is to have forgiven and to allow that forgiveness to shift my story. I caution you, the reader, that my story can be triggering to folks who have a similar experience to mine. Still, I persist, In April of 2004 a man drugged my drink. 4 men tortured me as 1 held me down. 11-hours lost. I woke up in my apartment with a map of bruises in the shapes of hands and ropes. 5-hours in a rape kit at Long Island Hospital in Brooklyn, NY. The kindest thing anyone said to me that day was the x-ray technician. While examining my hands which were broken and had no skin left on the knuckles, she said, “Well, one thing is certain, you fought like hell.”
My investigator reported to me each week of how evidence had been picked up and then promptly disappeared. I have never felt more defeated. I moved to a new neighborhood and attempted to play make-go-away. I nearly drowned in alcohol and denial.
In 2007, a moment of clarity lead to a new way of life in which I emerged from a zombie-like sleep into a recovery awakening. Through therapy, meditation and a spiritual foundation I was able to recover all of my memory of the lost 11-hours. It took years to be in the right frame of mind to remember. I was relieved to get the missing pieces back and left with a choice. I had read the articles which had said I did not owe forgiveness to these men. Other women told me I was not obliged to forgive. While I do not disagree, my insides craved it.
With the help of an incredible therapist, I went back to the memory one more time. The memory was of my consciousness floating above the scene. I gave my soul permission to sink into my body in that memory. I forgave my body for having the experience. I forgave the hands wrapped around my neck, arms, and ankles. I forgave each man who now had a face. I forgave them for wrapping my body in a tarp and intending it for the East River, and I thanked the driver for the change of heart who helped me escape. As I exited the process I realized that my story had been shifted. It was not that 5 men had attacked me. It was not that God had let it happen. It was that 5 men cannot kill me.
Today, I live a life of service, healing, and education. I am a teacher of Reiki, meditation, communications and all things empowering. I help people to realize their access to power. In my understanding strength is the action that we take through the power that we receive. My power is my perception, and my strength is the action of love and vulnerability I share with my fellow humans with an unguarded heart. Each day, I remember what I am: unstoppable.”
- Angelique has dedicated her life to healing. She is a Reiki master and healing specialist. You can learn more at: www.heartevolver.com